I’m not sure how it’s Friday again, but my calendar tells me it is.
Quote of the week:
“You can make the right choice and still feel sad. You can love what is and want something else.” —Nora McInerny (in her newsletter)
What I’m reading:
The Other Family: A Novel by Loretta Nyhan
What I’m listening to:
A Good Marriage: A Novel by Kimberly McCreight (on Audible)
“Unlocking Us” podcast (this episode)
“Free Cookies” podcast (this episode)
“Terrible, Thanks for Asking” podcast (this episode)
What I’m watching:
Mrs. America (Hulu)
Dead to Me (Netflix) (finished Season 2. Loved it)
I Know This Much Is True (HBO)
Hello Privilege. It’s Me, Chelsea (Netflix)
I Am Maris (Netflix)
Writing news:
- I published a new essay on Scary Mommy: I Thought My Single, Childfree Friends Had It Easy During Quarantine–But I was Wrong
- Good Morning America (online) interviewed me about my “Mommy Wars” essay and included me in their piece
- Book #4, All the Acorns on the Forest Floor, is coming on September 15! You can pre-order at all the usual places. Check out the early Goodreads reviews!
- Stay tuned for news on my first nonfiction book (coming Spring 2021) and my next novel (coming Summer 2021)
What I’m talking about:
- The need for better bereavement leave in this country (as discussed in this opinion piece in the New York Times)
- How COVID may lead to the biggest labor movement we’ve seen in decades (as discussed here)
- The Good Men Project (which is new to me and awesome)
What I’m grateful for:
My husband, even though I said to him yesterday, “You are really annoying me.” People, we’ve been cooped up together for more than 2 months and he types SO LOUDLY and his voice on work calls is BOOMING. And just when I think I can introvert (yes, it’s a verb) in peace when he falls asleep at 7pm, he starts SNORING. There are too many sounds going on for my highly sensitive soul.
But, seriously, isn’t true love being able to say “You are annoying the hell out of me” without fear of rejection or abandonment? Isn’t true love being able to be yourself even when that self is in a bitchy mood? Chris doesn’t flinch when I’m annoyed at him. He just gets me a beer. We will get through this quarantine weirdness. We’ve been through much worse.
Six years ago today, when we said “I do,” we had already been through so much together–the loss of his dad (from ALS) and the loss of his stepdad (he had a heart attack while driving on the 5 freeway). But we had no idea what was coming. We didn’t know that his mom would die just a few months after our wedding. We didn’t know that shortly after that we would have our first pregnancy loss. And then a second, and a third, and a fourth. We didn’t know that we would finally have a daughter. We didn’t know that the post-traumatic stress of all the loss would carry over into life after her birth. We didn’t know that the baby phase would challenge our marriage in ways none of the other stuff had (despite our immense gratitude for her). We didn’t know that she would become the light of our lives, baffling us every day with her persistent joy (seriously, where did this child come from?). We didn’t know that we would take a risk on buying and renovating a dream house (without killing each other!). There’s just so much we didn’t know. There’s still so much we don’t know. Uncertainty causes me a lot of anxiety, and marriage helps quell that anxiety. It’s a constant when so much else is in flux. Not that our marriage (or any marriage?) is easy. A shaman in Maui (long story) told us we have a “karmic marriage,” meaning we have hard lessons to teach each other. And that’s true. The lessons aren’t always comfortable, but we are both better because of them.
