A couple weeks ago, a friend texted me this tweet by Rebecca Makkai, Pulitzer and National Book Award Finalist:
I had a laugh. Then I thought: How would I feel about my daughter becoming a writer?
I can say with 100% sincerity that I just want my daughter to be a content, fulfilled person, no matter what she does. I know lots of parents say this; it’s the right thing to say, after all. But I really feel zero attachment to my daughter being any certain way. I just want her to be herself. That’s a true luxury–being your real, authentic self, free of the expectations and pressures of others.
That said, if she seemed to show an interest in writing, I would feel a mix of emotions. There are pros and cons to being a writer (see below). And when I say “being a writer,” I don’t mean in the career sense; I mean being a writer at your core, needing to write to feel centered.
Pros:
- Writing is a great outlet. I think I developed a love of writing because it was so therapeutic for me. I didn’t consciously think, “Oh, I’m going to write because it alleviates my anxieties”;it just happened organically. Now, I’m not sure how I would survive life without writing
- Writing helps you connect with others. Writing involves putting yourself in other people’s shoes, which can really help with open-mindedness, empathy, and compassion–all good things
- Writing demands a certain kind of self-exploration. It helps you know yourself and understand your thoughts and feelings in a deep, intimate way
Cons:
- Writing is a time-consuming passion. It is difficult to fit it in to daily life, especially as an adult with all kinds of responsibilities. If you are a true writer, you need to write, so the time constraints can be maddening. And if you’re unable to find writing time too many days in a row, YOU can be maddening (to yourself and your poor husband and all the people who love you)
- Writing books does not pay the bills (unless you get very lucky). Because it’s so time-consuming, it’s tempting to think,”Oh, this should be my full-time job then. Duh.” Unfortunately, it’s extremely difficult to make a living off of writing books. Most novelists are also professors/teachers, or they have a variety of daytime gigs (I work full-time at an ad agency). The necessity for another job in addition to the one you feel you were born to do creates obvious problems (see previous bullet)
- If you decide to put your writing out into the world, people can be very cruel. Writing, like any art, is SUCH a subjective thing. Criticism (from agents, editors, random people on the Internet) can be super harsh. Writers are some of the most sensitive people, by nature, so the harshness can be especially upsetting
- Writing can be torturous at times. There are times something you’re writing just isn’t working. There’s the notorious writer’s block. The process is pain-staking. It just is. Most writers rewrite things hundreds of times. They crank out 100 pages, only to throw them away and start over. There’s lots of insomnia involved, at least for me
I’ve had a few younger readers reach out to me and ask if they should become writers, and I always say the same thing: “Only become a writer if you have to write.” If it’s even up for debate, if it’s even a thing you could consider just not doing, then don’t become a writer. I write because I can’t not write, for better or worse. There have been times I’ve declared, “I’m done with writing,” but I always go back to it.
Time will tell if my daughter has any interest in writing. If she feels that passionate need to write, then I’ll be grateful she’s found her outlet (we all need one, I think). And I’ll do my best to coach her through the cons, as best I can.