There’s this quote in the “Salinger” documentary that has been sticking with me for weeks:
Part of me wants to argue with Mr. Orwell and say that writing is not horrible at all. It’s fun and joyous. And, that’s true–sometimes. After all, I started writing as a wee kid for pure entertainment. I remind myself of that often. As I said in my New Year’s post, one of my resolutions is to take AL Kennedy’s advice: “Remember you love writing. It wouldn’t be worth it if you didn’t.”
But, sometimes, writing sucks. I am in the process of tearing apart my novel and putting it back together. It’s dismemberment, in the worst sense. I thought I was somewhat “done” with the thing, only to discover after weeks of setting it aside, that it’s a total re-do. I must be a masochist.
I’ve asked myself why I keep at it–with enthusiasm on good days, and stubborn determination on bad ones. It’s not just that I want to be published. I mean, yes, that would be awesome. I’m not gonna lie. But, it’s more than that. It always has been. Proof: I wrote before I even understood what publishing meant.
So, what is it?
I talked a little bit about this here, but I’m particularly interested in what Orwell says about demons. I really do believe that those of us who write are wrestling with something internally. Sometimes we know what it is, sometimes we don’t. Regardless, whatever that something is comes out in the story we choose to write. Because it is, after all, a choice. There are thousands of potential topics and, yet, we are uniquely driven by something specific in each piece.
Here’s what I’ve noticed about my “demons” when looking at common themes and characters in my stories and books:
- I’m totally baffled by death
- I’m completely afraid of death
- I’m scared of the ways love changes over time–between spouses, friends, family
- I don’t like being trapped
- I’m terrified of being a mother
- I’m terrified of being MY mother (just kidding, mom)
- I fight with the joys of being alone and the pains of loneliness
- I’m easily disappointed by/not trusting of people
Those are just some demons that are apparent right off the bat. All of my stories revisit similar topics in different ways. It’s interesting.
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What about you? What demons do you contend with in your writing? If you’re not a writer, what stories are you drawn toward as a reader? Maybe what we love as readers says something about our demons too…