The highly sensitive writer

Throughout my life, I have heard the following phrases: “You’re just so sensitive,” “Don’t be so sensitive,” “You’re too sensitive.” It was completely ingrained in me that this was a terrible trait, a character flaw, something I needed to “work on.”

I don’t think the people who have said those things to me were trying to be hurtful; I think they just hated seeing me go through pain (because part of being highly sensitive is feeling everything intensely, including pain). As my husband said to me: “It must be hard to be you.” He wasn’t trying to be a jerk; he just meant that it must be overwhelming to feel so much. And, he’s right. It is overwhelming. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. As Elaine Aron writes in The Highly Sensitive Person: “I am deeply moved by things, I’d hate to miss the intense joy of that.”

During my twenties, I kind of knew who I was, but I was convinced that person needed lots of improvements (one of which was to be less sensitive). In my thirties, I got to know myself better and started to doubt my ability to just “turn off” my sensitivity. I figured I’d hide it from others, but I was fine with it myself. Since I’ve turned 40, I’ve decided that I really like myself and I’m actually proud of my sensitivity–no need to hide it. Now, if someone says, “You’re so sensitive,” I say, “Thank you!” The world needs sensitive people. Another quote from Aron on highly sensitive people (HSPs): “We are the writers, historians, philosophers, judges, artists, researchers, theologians, therapists, teachers, parents, and plain conscientious citizens.”

I’ve embraced being highly sensitive because I know that’s what makes me a good writer. And the world needs writers. I need writers. I have looked to books to help me not only turn inward, but to turn outward by understanding the perspectives and feelings of others. 

After reading Aron’s book, I’ve identified a few concrete reasons why HSPs make good writers (and why most writers are probably HSPs):

1. We notice subtle differences. HSPs are very aware of changes to their environment. They are at risk for overstimulation all the time. This can be a burden, but it comes in handy as a writer. It’s easy for me to pick up on nuances in daily interactions with people, for example, and that translates to creating realistic dialogue between characters, describing subtle changes in facial expressions, etc. 

2. We have rich emotional lives. I think if my husband were to sit and write about a character experiencing the death of a loved one, he would write, “She was sad. The end.” My husband is not an HSP; not even close. HSPs have so much color in their lives. There are about a million shades of sad, so we task ourselves with coming up with a million ways to describe those shades. Science has shown that HSPs actually experience greater emotional “vividness” because of more activity in a certain area of the brain. I think this is what led me to writing in the first place. I felt so much and I needed a way to express all of it. I learned from a very young age that talking about what I felt just led to being called “too sensitive.” So, I wrote.

3. We see things in new, different ways. Good writing (or good art, in general) is something that feels fresh but, at the same time, familiar. It’s connecting readers to unknown parts of themselves in ways they haven’t been connected before. For me, books are all about this connection. As a writer, I do my best to articulate something that I sense is a very human feeling, something deep and maybe dark that all of us have inside on some level. By articulating that, I hope to touch a reader who says, “Yes, that’s exactly it.” I hope that person feels a little less alone. As a reader, this is what I seek–to feel less alone with all the feelings swirling inside me. I believe only HSPs can facilitate this type of connection. It’s something we do innately, but something that is hard to put into words or “teach.” 

I’ll close with another quote from Aron:
“HSPs do more of that which makes humans different from other animals: We imagine possibilities.”

And thank goodness for that.